Part Two. No dessert

I’d really like to make you come alive

Meet you, eat, greet, talk, touch, wonder, and enchant

All day we’ll get all wild

And all night we could get real deep and honest

Get mixed up between what I have with you, and what I have to lose with you

All the while hoping to never lose sight of you

Stay awake just wondering why I’m still up

Then I’ll say, “Oh right,” it’s so I could write down poems on index cards

And count how many times I’d end up thinking of you in the process

Sixty-four is not unusual

I’ll build you up to be my deity

You’re sacred and I have no hesitation in making this known to you

This is not because we’re alike, it is because you have something I don’t

And I want more, I want lots of it, lots of filling

If I lend you my heart, my ears, my laugh

And if I lend you my last fifteen bucks, and you’re never heard of again

Then I’ll say, “always worth it”.

No longer worth anything to each other, but worth the lesson learned.

I won’t feel timid and meek when I have to confront you to remind you,

You can be so cruel, but that I don’t have to submit

I’ll turn my chin up to the Sun

And after, if my lips move senselessly, and I’m feeling low

If I feel like a tiny mushroom in the rain

I remember that I can’t harvest what hasn’t been sown

I’ll plant a pear seed and wait

New things will come, patience, growth is slow

So in the meantime, I’ll go out, touch and talk,

But most importantly, I’ll be alone.

I’ll do it until I feel warmed by the embrace of solitude

Wander up and down aisles in the library, catching smiles from strangers

Laughing when I do

Lying solitary on a beach, arms open, eyes closed

As I discover that each wave that kisses my heels, is a new wave of my personality

I am coming to know

I’ll give up obsession with trivialities, addiction to the nonsensical

Go binge on sweets, on dirty jokes, on bottles, on albums, on books, the works

Enough of moderation, now it’s without hesitation

Creating my own little divine empire, and appreciating every speck of sand

That becomes the windows of my pink castle

Once I’m here, I’ll be proud I went through all that with you

Happy that I was just willing enough to test the depth of the water

With a two-footed jump.

Tyra Jutai